The Adult Student's Guide to Survival and Success 6th Edition cover

Frequently Asked Questions: Balancing Work, Life and College

We get a lot of inquiries at Adult Student.com! Many deal with similar topics, so we've decided to post some of our most commonly asked questions. Use our form to submit your question.

FAQs at Adult Student.com:

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I need tips on studying with young children. -- Kimya

Take them to campus for a visit. If your kids are of speaking age or older, show them the bookstore, classrooms, gym, library, student center and more. If you are taking classes exclusively online, visit a local college or university campus instead. Once they see what you are involved with, they may be more willing to help.
Include them somehow. Buy pre-school workbooks with coloring, puzzles, simple math, and letter games so they can study while you study. Let them help you decorate your study area.
Be prepared to re-arrange your study schedule. You may find that two hours spent before the kids get up or after they go to bed are your most productive. Study when they nap.
Review Chapter 10 from The Adult Student's Guide to Survival & Success, 6th Edition which covers "How to Gain Support and Encouragement from Your Family"
Find another student parent to help watch the kids while studying. Maybe someone with an alternate schedule to yours. Check with the campus counseling center for suggestions on how to identify other single parent students. Return the favor for him or her.
Some campuses have on-site child care. Some of these are low-cost or free for students. Check to see what your school offers.
If you find it all too overwhelming, you may need to consider putting off or cutting down on your studies until your children are school aged. No need to feel like you are a failure if you decide you just can't handle so many pressures. Being a parent is a tough job on its own. Many traditional-aged college students without such responsibilities won't even graduate in the prescribed two or four years as their program suggests.
One person's story as written up at adulted.about.com: Single Mother in College.

I am excited and scared all at the same time going back to school. It's hard to explain my fears to my family, especially since I have 3 small children. I'm scared I'm going to have a test and one of my kids get sick. What if I have a Professor that doesn't understand that, what do I do? My husband travels, and I have to take care of the kids, the house, school and so much more...I use to be a good student in high school but it's been so long, what if I just can't handle it all, I'm scared. If I fail I basically go into debt, because my tuition is paid as long as I get good grades, if I fail I pay everything back...no pressure. Am I taking on too much? -- Anonymous

No.... Starting a new adventure is often accompanied by the fears you have. Many people look at the whole picture and feel overwhelmed. My advice to you is to take things one step, one day at a time. Break your issues down systematically and find any 'action' items that you can take care of before you face a particular dilemma. You already have taken the first step by listing your main concerns!

Continue to make your list more specific, like the specific scenario of a sick child on test day, instead of the broader 'needing to care for three small children.' Consider the needs of each situation, and determine the root dilemma: You need to prepare and take your test, but, be at home with your child because you can't take sick a child to day care. The first dilemma you discover is needing to be in two places at one time.

Once you have determined your dilemma, you can look for a solution. In this case, possibly hiring a babysitter to come in, albeit last minute. Which presents another dilemma, who can you call at the last minute? Well, this turns out to be an 'action' piece that you can do something about ahead of time. In this case, you might go to campus and ask at the student life or counseling center for in-home day care / babysitter referrals (or possibly other students in class), meet and settle on two or three possible people for backups. I suggest asking on campus because the referrals might be more understanding of a college student's schedule and last minute need.

So, in short, the way to alleviate your fears and concerns is to address each one, specifically, and find any 'action' items you can act on currently. It takes some time and effort up front (especially in the case of finding child care providers), no doubt, but in the end, the planning is usually worth it by knowing what your options are in a certain situation.

If you are dealing with an unsympathetic professor, in an extreme case, you can usually file to take an incomplete in the course and make up unfinished work in the future. Most times, I should think that your instructor is going to understand. We're all human with other obligations besides our schoolwork.

In addition, you are going to have to prioritize your tasks. Fitting hours of course time and homework into an already busy schedule is going to call for compromise. While the kitchen needs daily attention, can you get by vacuuming or dusting less often? Put off washing the windows until summer break? Get your youngsters involved -- they're never too young to learn how to pitch in!

And finally, if you were a good student in high school, chances are you still will be.... It's kinda like riding a bike! Of course there will be challenging moments, but we don't grow without challenges.

We list more items for overcoming fears and concerns in Chapter 2 of our book, The Adult Student's Guide to Survival & Success, 6th Edition. Ask for it at your library or book store.

Best of Luck!

I am concerned about child care for my disabled 3 year old I feel no one can take care of her like I can. I know I have to go to school to make our lives better but all I can think about is her and how she is doing in her daycare. -- Christa

We understand your concern about your daughter. Ask at your college counseling center, contact your local children and family services and/or disability services offices. A multi-pronged approach might yield you some choices. Each state has its own structure for providing services. Unfortunately, we don't know of any comprehensive state program listing, so you'll need to search the web for phrases such as "children and family services" or "state disability office" or "respite care" and include your state. There should be a local or county contact for your location.

Beware, though, of having the attitude that no one else can take care of your daughter like you can. While for the long term that is probably true, short-term respite care from a qualified caregiver is just as important for her social developments as it is for your own rejuvenation.

I work in a preschool in NJ and decided to take the summer off to work on my degree. When I told my husband he was not happy to say the least. How can I get him to see that the faster I finish the better it will be for both of us? I have invested too much time and money to stop in my junior year. And this is what seems to me what hubby would like -- to just accept my life and go on as it is now. But what happens 10 years down the road? -- Olympia

It can be tough to accept change. Your husband could be expressing his fears of the unknown by resisting any change. Believe it or not, he may be afraid that you will learn something that makes him no longer desirable to you! He may also view it as time spent on school is less time spent on him, or that he's going to have to do more around the house. As often can happen when one partner in a relationship attempts something new, the other partner resists. They are happy with the status quo and don't want to upset the apple cart.

Reassurance of the temporary state of your situation is essential. Sprinkle "When I'm done with school..." quotes into your phrases of future planning.
Ask your husband exactly what it is that bothers him about your progress toward your goal. What doesn't he want to change? Does he not support your goal or just the inconvenience to him of you getting it?
Express your frustration with the additional current workload you are under as well. It will help him see that you also are feeling some distress. If you add visions of the future as a contrast to the extra work right, you will help your partner see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Let him know why you feel your goal will help the relationship in the long run (more responsibility at work, better earning potential, etc.). Most spouses appreciate that their partner is trying to better him or herself.
Set aside a weekly "date" or a weekend get-away with your husband to give him some exclusive time. Get out of the house so you can enjoy each other without the pressures of your lives emailing, phoning or knocking on the door.
Chapter 10 from The Adult Student's Guide to Survival & Success, 6th Edition covers "How to Gain Support and Encouragement from Your Family"
Talk with a counselor on campus or in the community.

FAQs compiled by
Kristin Pintarich
Editor-in-Chief, Practical Psychology Press, Inc.